Lucy Died

I'll re-cap my weekend for you.

Thursday:

She got out and ran around my room while I wasn't home, so I made an appointment to go to the vet Friday morning.

Friday:

I woke up and noticed bits of blood in her bedding, I thought it was coming from her incision and that she needed a new shirt.

We got there, I was there for 4 hours.

She bled a LOT while we were there and I realized it was coming from her vulva.

I also noticed mites had developed while we were there.

The vet said she was dehydrated and gave her fluids and a shot for the mites.

They said the mites have probably always been there (since she's a rescue) but that she has gone through stress which allows them to survive.

Saturday:

I realized she wasn't getting better.

She was wobbling, she slept more than normal and seemed to be in pain.

I cried because I realized she wasn't going to make it.

I put her in her regular cage with the others in the hope that she'd feel a bit more comfortable.

I fed her tons of treats and held her for hours.

Sunday:

I held her for a long time, feeding her treats and crying.

Monday:

I didn't go to school, I couldn't sleep for more than 2hours for most of the weekend.

Tuesday:

I had the vet look her over and she said that she was: dehydrated, you could feel her bones and organs and her heart beat was irregular.

The bleeding was coming from her reproductive organs which cannot be removed because of her age.

(I asked them before if she could get spayed because it reduces the likelihood of females getting the growths like she had back in may/june)

Basically she'd die from blood loss and either her heart would give out or she'd hemorrhage and bleed to death.

I couldn't deal with the thought of her being in so much pain and dying so brutally.

At 10:00am I had to put her to sleep.

I was there when they gave her the shot and she squeaked in pain so I scooped her up and held her till her heart stopped beating.

It was by far the most terrible experience i've ever been through.

I'm still feeling a lot of grief over loosing her.

They gave me a little polymer clay mold with her paw prints.

Alec stayed with me the whole weekend and tonight.

Today:

I buried her at my grandma's house.

I buried her in my Edward Gorey shirt that I held her in at the vets office when she passed.

I wrote her a note and gave her an almond that she had started to eat Monday night.

I put purple wild flowers on her grave.

It rained and washed it away, I can't tell exactly where she is buried now.

But, i'm okay with that.

I feel like she has been slowed up by the Earth after I asked for her body to be safe.

I'm pretty numb and probably will be for a while.