Give me a Fucking Break!

Okay, so i've been under a lot of stress with my ceramics class because of our limited time to truly make our work.

I love that it is everyday, but I hate that we are given time lines like a week to finish each project.

Especially, since I am overly ambitious and therefore end up screwing myself over in these situations.

So it is my own fault, but that doesn't make anything less frustrating.

On another note of frustration, you remember that punk boy I mentioned in my last post?

Well, despite how awesome he is (he has a Cthulhu tattoo, COME ON!) and really hot (it was infectious), I had to tell him after he asked me to go to not one but three, THREE punk shows with him. That I have to back off because of bad karma headed his way that could put me in danger. So I basically felt like breaking shit, because I liked him a LOT and it was obviously mutual. But, nothing can happen. I can't be in a situation with baggage right now after my last relationship. I can't put up with it right now, I really can't. I spent the last four years of my life in a situation that drained me in so many ways. I just can't do it right now.

So pair that with my school work, and the fact that I can't seem to bring my self esteem up to paint. And you get a REALLY pissed off edgy me.

I kept leaving during class and went out to the woods and just sat there for like 20 minutes or more. My teacher asked me what kind of trouble I was having with the wheel today, we were making bowls, and I told him that my patience just isn't here right now. Especially with so many people around, I want to yell at them and tell them all to Get the fuck out, so I can work alone. And he laughed and said "You really are a painter inside. You anti-social artists!".

And I had to laugh.

I'm so moody sometimes.

But, on an unrelated note, my two new rats Siouxsie Sioux and Calypso, are starting to take treats from my hand directly. Which is awesome, because it is a sign of trust.

So after I told the Cthulhu boy of awesomeness, as i'm going to refer to him, that I had to back off I literally felt a sense of "I'm done". You know that feeling when your pretty much like, nothing is going right, so fuck everything?

Yeah, that's about where I am right now.

I really don't give a fuck.

But, here is something that makes me laugh, and will hopefully make you laugh too.

I will go ahead and secretly admit that I am somehow attracted to Justin Timberlake now, as in his adult intelligent non-boy band self.