She follows my blog, so I like to return the favor, especially since she has a lot of note worthy material she links and posts of for her readers.
As I was floating through wistfully reading chunks of text, I came across a couple of posts that seemed to link together memories in my mind.
One was her post Skeletons in the Closet, which was dealing with that natural need to re-vamp your wardrobe every few years or so once you've become comfortable enough with the Goth scene (I call it the Alternative scene, since we all ebb and flow into one another), you find yourself wanting to try new things to spice up your wardrobe. Not in the, "What the fuck am I doing, I am lying to myself" kind of way, that many people experience during their typically short lived "goth phase" (It seems everyone has had one). But because you need to re-invent who you are, and the wardrobe plays a vital role in this transformation (think phoenix, rising anew from something that already exists).
--Of course I felt a natural ping somewhere in my chest that reminds me that I have experienced this over the years, all too well. Back in high school or even 8th grade you wouldn't catch me without pantyhose turned fishnets on my arms, black nailpolish, or make up. Now? I haven't worn fishnets on my arms in years, my nails are currently teal over black, and i'm not wearing make up. Le Gasp! But just the same, I still retain my love of lace, skeletons, and typically wear one layer of fishnets or tights on my legs at all times. Some developments? I like colors other than black, although black is still extremely dominant (I now accent black tights with colored fishnets or wear a cool colored shirt with black pants). My boots aren't huge clunky monsters that require extreme calf strength to lift, I now wear Doc Martens. I'd definitely say if you were to try to pigeon hole me, i'd fit somewhere in the Deathrock area(but not quite, I don't have a successful hole to wedge into) . Where as when I was younger I was much more Horror punk, and even younger than that I went more for a romantic thing. Ah those young awkward years.
Another post that caught my eye was her most recent post, What kind of Goth am I her talk of having "Goth crushes", is something I to can relate to, anytime I see someone with great hair/piercings/tattoos/musical taste I have an initial point of fear at not adding up, and then that is amply followed with a "Fuck you". Not directed at anyone in particular, but it is a good way to get feeling insecure in check. She has so many posts related to Baby bats, and it reminds me of when I was introduced to the Alternative world. So, i'm going to go ahead and share this unnecessary knowledge.
-When I was growing up I was a fat kid, not only was I a fat kid, but I was a fat kid who got good grades and spent all her free time drawing during class. The kid that would draw bats on napkins, watched 'Gargoyles', and had vivid dreams of owning her own eerie castle complete with floorprints. I checked out books on blood and human anatomy once second grade rolled around and I began learning about the body systems. I was OBSESSED with ghosts and the supernatural, oh so interested in vampires, and even made my own "Book of Shadows" when I was 10 from a halloween website. My favorite stores were halloween ones, I always wanted to live surrounded by black PVC, cobble stones, and little rubber bats. By this time all I knew was I hated clothes and I disliked people, I thought everyone had to look the same and it didn't feel right to me. Around the age of 10, I was at Walmart with my family and a girl with; extremely pale skin, dark eye make up, a lime green and black strapless top, with a PVC black skirt, and knee high boots. Was pushing a cart down the aisle right past me, and my eyes were the size of watermelons, my grandma was like "Don't look at her, she's weird. Normal people don't look like that". And I remember not really listening to her, but feeling a sense of elation like seeing the Loch Ness Monster, people didn't have to dress conventionally!! There were "other" people!! And the rest is history really, I started reading about Goth, listening to the tunage, and progressively changing my wardrobe. By the time I was 12, my entire wardrobe was black, I wore an ankh, black boots, a black trench coat, and fishnets (under my school uniform).
Don't you love Nostalgia?
Right after I saw her, I started drawing pictures of what I wanted to look like at 16. These are hilarious! I had huge purple and black hair falls, a corset, a bustle skirt, tons of tattoos (like black roses and shit), and over 20 piercings on my face.
I'm so glad that never happened.
haha.
So yeah!
I wanted to share our mutual awesome-ness with you guys.
P.s.
I'm running on four hours of sleep, I need coffee.
But, it's always good to reflect on your roots.
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